How to excel at travelling

  • Pack like you’re going to style every single person at London Fashion Week. PUT.THE.FIVE.PAIRS.OF.HEELS.BACK.IN.THE.CLOSET.
  • Travel with people who complain all the time, Daddy’s princesses and Mommy’s boys.
  • Saturate your social media accounts with pictures of the plane, the wings of the plane, every single meal you have, hot dog legs, your hotel room, your hotel room bathroom, countless selfies that give no insight of the place you’re actually seeing and ‘Hope everyone is having fun at the office’ captures.
  • Stay away from local food. Under no circumstance eat from anywhere but McDonalds, KFC, Subway , Burger King etc.
  • Spend half your holiday shopping. Hint : H&M is everywhere.
  • Get really drunk just because the booze is cheaper than in your home country  and act like an idiot. Bonus points for destroying the hotel room, being a jerk to locals, giving everyone a hard time on the flight back.
  • At the airport’s security check spend at least 10 minutes explaining why you need that 200 ml body lotion in your hand luggage while crowds of people are waiting behind you.
  • As soon as you get on the plane make sure you block the entry of everyone else behind you by taking at least 10 minutes to sort out your luggage, your outfit, your need of exchanging seats with the person by the window.
  • Talk loudly on the phone after the steward has told you to switch off all electronic devices.
  • Treat locals like idiots just because English is not their first language.

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